S Cubed: Short, Simple, Sweet
by Fuyu Ginga
Summary: Anything short that I write will go here! I've finally written something else, and boy is it angsty. How did Janeway react when she found out Chakotay had moved on...?
1. Voyager Finally Beats the Phage!

_(**A/N**: This is my lovely Voyager poem,  
The characters, hopefully you know 'em!  
So as you read, keep in mind,  
Here lies humor you should find!  
There's mild cursing, please beware,  
But that's no reason for a scare!  
Comments are really very nice...  
Leave me some, I'll charge no price.   
Now begins "a poem for this age"...  
"VOYAGER FINALLY BEATS THE PHAGE"!)___

'Twas a gloomy day at Paramount,  
And many fears began to mount.  
The ratings of Voyager began to fall,  
And new ideas? They'd exhausted them all.  
Berman, Braga, and Taylor were there,  
With weary eyes and ruffled hair.  
Each one of them had been up all night,  
Thinking, "What will be Voyager's next great plight?"  
"How 'bout something old?" Braga said.  
But Berman simply shook his head.  
"If we do old, they'll have my pup!"  
Jeri Taylor now spoke up.  
"The reset button might be nice,  
The audience it should entice."  
"No, no, no," poor Berman sighed.  
"We need something we haven't tried!"  
But Braga yelled, "They'll never know!  
As Picard might say, let's 'make it so'!"  
"Let's use the Borg!" Taylor said.  
Berman's face, it did turn red.  
"We've used the Borg way too much,  
No one's scared of even their touch!"  
But then Berman let out a gasp,  
His voice became an excited rasp.  
"I think I know what we can do!  
What about the Vidiians, and their nasty Phage, too?"  
Everyone's faces began to brighten,  
And with their pens, they started writin'...

A few days later, shooting had begun,  
The cast and crew were having so much fun!  
Well, except for Beltran, he chose to complain,  
On everyone's parade, he successfully rained.  
But that didn't matter to anyone today,  
They were too excited about the jump in their pay.

Janeway walked into the mess hall,  
Where Neelix was having such a ball.  
Cooking, cleaning, it didn't matter,  
As long as something edible lay on the platter.  
"Coffee! I WANT COFFEE NOW!"  
"Oh, yes, dear Captain, just as soon as I check on the cow!"  
"...the cow, Mr. Neelix? I don't know what you mean."  
"Oh, I replicated him just today, he's very healthy, and very lean!  
I'm using him for lunch today,  
Seven's taking care of him in the cargo bay!"  
But Janeway merely rolled her eyes,  
She had no interest in Neelix's cow pies.  
"All I want is coffee, is that so much to ask?"  
"Oh, not at all, Captain, in coffee glory you shall bask!"  
Neelix moved to the replicator,  
And in coffee-making it did not waver.  
Soon Janeway was very content indeed,  
Now that she had her coffee, not a single crewman would bleed.

In Engineering we find B'Elanna and Tom,  
And B'Elanna's ranting like a pissed off mom.  
"The EPS manifolds need repairing,  
The plasma coils are overbearing!"  
"The warp core's efficiency is down,  
There are so many problems, I feel like I'll drown!"  
But Tom's reassurance poured out like a letter,  
And then he kissed her, making it all better.

The Doctor can be found in Sickbay,  
And with his program he can't wait to play!  
"This is getting to be such a bear,  
All I want is a little hair!"  
And in his quarters, there's Tuvok,  
Sitting silent, like a rock.  
"I really miss my wife, and I can't show it,  
The captain'll get us home, though, I just know it!"

This cancer called love needed remission,  
And for Harry, that meant sex without permission.  
Harry and some alien girl are in his room,  
But then the ship is rocked by a terrible boom!

While Neelix crashed into the fridge,  
The senior officers were called to the bridge.  
"Red alert, battle stations!" came the captain's cry.  
"We've got pesky aliens' butts to fry!"  
"Fire phasers!" Janeway roared.  
Chakotay's head slumped down as he snored.

The cast turned to Berman, thoroughly confused,  
And in defense of Chakotay, they now mused,  
"What are you smoking? Why is he snoring?"  
"It's because we were idiots and made him so boring."  
The understanding now dawned high,  
At Berman's matter-of-fact reply.

"Chakotay, watch out! Here comes a deer!"  
His head snapped up with a look of fear.  
"Where, where!?" he hoarsely said.  
Janeway whacked him upside the head.  
"Stay awake, you dolt!"  
The ship gave another tremendous jolt.  
Throughout the bridge echoed Harry's tense cries,  
Janeway's hands were on her hips as she rolled her eyes.  
"We're being hailed, the connection might sever!"  
"Well, I guess they're better late than never!"  
A Vidiian face appeared on screen,  
And on a railing Janeway did lean.  
"What do you want? Just don't ask for much.  
We're not in the mood to donate organs and such."  
The Vidiian man flew into a fit of rage.  
"Come on, we need them to cure our icky Phage!  
All we want is some skin or a heart,  
If we don't get 'em, we'll blow your ship apart!"  
"The hell you will," Janeway's voice was stern.  
"I've beaten you before, won't you ever learn?  
Away from us you WILL set your course,  
Or I'll kick your ass with the deadliest of force."  
Suddenly, the Vidiian ship began to move,  
They were strong, too, as they would soon prove!  
Voyager was hit, the sparks flew high,  
And Tom let out an anguished cry,  
"They've taken out our starboard nacelle!  
Isn't it time to blast 'em to hell?"  
Janeway replied,  
As Chakotay cried,  
"Yes, indeed, the time is right!  
Load torpedoes, we'll show them our might!"  
The orange missiles flew through space,  
And smacked the Vidiians in the face.  
They screamed and yelled, fanning smoke away,  
Janeway was really making them pay!  
"Put them on screen," a smirking Janeway said.  
"We should probably talk to them before they're good and dead."  
And when she saw the Vidiians there,  
She did throw them a vicious death glare!  
"MY GOD! WHAT A SCARY ATTACK!  
EVASIVE MANUEVERS! Get our ship going back!"  
The Vidiians cowered in mortal fear,  
And to the right their ship began to veer...

Now the spooky aliens were no more,  
The Voyager crew had finally settled the score.  
A tense situation it was not,  
And no one had to fire another shot!  
So with a smirk,  
That would impress Captain Kirk,  
Janeway sat in her chair,  
Tossed back her auburn hair,  
And gave the order to "Engage!"  
For they had once again beaten the Phage!

The filming now, it sadly ends,  
The cast must once more leave, dear friends.  
Success has come; the staff's not poor,  
Through this show, their ratings soar!  
But now this poem, oh reading friend,  
Has officially come to THE END!


	2. Star Trekking Across the Milky Way

_(**A/N:** Alright, so this one doesn't rhyme... but not all poems need to rhyme.  
:P This one I wrote after I heard the "Star Trekking Across the Universe"  
song. I decided right then and there that I had to spoof it, and wrote this  
in about 20 minutes in a very boring math class. If you've heard the song  
you know how the tune and rhythm goes... if not, have fun reading it anyway.  
:P So now I proudly present... "Star Trekking Across the Milky Way".)  
_

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

Please don't call our captain "ma'am",  
Captain "ma'am",  
Captain "ma'am",  
Please don't call our captain "ma'am",  
When she's had no coffee.

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

One mistake screwed us all,  
Screwed us all,  
Screwed us all,  
One mistake screwed us all,  
Fix it, Captain, PLEASE!

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

Look at all the new species,  
New species,  
New species,  
Look at all the new species,  
They opened fire; SHIT!

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

Let's get away in slipstream,  
In slipstream,  
In slipstream,  
Let's get away in slipstream,  
Crap, it just broke.

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

Now we'll have to punch right through,  
Punch right through,  
Punch right through,  
Now we'll have to punch right through,  
EXCITING SPACE BATTLE!

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

The shields are down, but we'll prevail,  
We'll prevail,  
We'll prevail,  
The shields are down, but we'll prevail,  
Whoops, a hull breach!

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

Janeway's phaser rifle's here!  
Rifle's here!  
Rifle's here!  
Janeway's phaser rifle's here!  
Those aliens are toast.

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!

The battle's won and we're all safe,  
We're all safe,  
We're all safe,  
The battle's won and we're all safe,  
Just wait 'till next week...

Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Serving aboard Voyager under Captain Janeway!  
Star Trekking across the Milky Way!  
Stuck in quadrant Delta, we want Alpha today!


	3. Tostitos and Coffee in the Meeting Room

_(**A/N:** I am hereby transforming this poem collection... into one of poems and short stories! Whoo-hoo! I got the idea for this one after I saw that new Tostitos commercial... you know... the one about "Tostitos and dip in the conference room". Well, it got the wheels turning, so I present the third piece of insanity in this growing saga... "Tostitos and Coffee in the Meeting Room".)  
_  
Harry Kim frowned, staring at his Ops station. It was quiet on the bridge... too quiet. Tuvok worked silently at Tactical, but where was Tom? Or Chakotay? And the question that plagued him most, where was the captain? She wasn't one to skimp on duty shifts...  
"Oh... wait, no," he muttered to himself. "That's an easy one. Where there's a little break for her, there's a little coffee." He rolled his eyes, laughing a little at his mother figure's dependence on the stuff, and this cheered him up enough to turn back to the blinking lights on the Ops station.  
"Hey, Harry!" The doors to the bridge hissed open, and there was Tom, looking excited about something.  
"Where've you been, Tom? And where's everyone else who should be here?" Harry questioned.  
"More like where've YOU been, Harry. Didn't you hear? The captain's giving everyone the day off because this is such a stupid story. Better yet, there's Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room! We're rounding up the senior staff... JUST the senior staff..." Now he was whispering, which Harry thought was silly, since there wasn't anybody but senior officers on the bridge. "I mean, wouldn't want Naomi Wildman or Lt. Ayala gobbling it all up, would we?"  
"No... I guess not. Now that you mention it, it has been a while since I've had Tostitos and coffee." Harry paused for a moment, thinking. "Now that you also mention it, what ARE Tostitos?"  
"I have no idea," Tom shrugged, "But anything's better than more Leola Root Stew."  
"Yeah, you've got a point there... let's go!" Harry and Tom then moved to get Tuvok, who didn't look up from his console as they approached.  
"Hey, Tuvok, everybody's got the day off!" Tom said, grinning. Tuvok merely raised an eyebrow.  
"That is highly illogical. Having a free day only serves to waist time that could be spent doing more logical things."  
"Like?" Harry asked. Silence pierced the bridge.  
"...meditation," Tuvok said, and turned back to his console.  
"Oh, come on, Tuvok! There's Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room!" Tuvok raised an eyebrow once again.  
"...alright. I shall accompany you, since I assume you will not cease bothering me until I do," Tuvok said, giving a small sigh.  
"That's the spirit, Tuvok," Tom said, grinning again. The three left the bridge, off to fetch the other senior officers.  
  
"Hey, BLT!" Tom called as the trio entered Engineering. B'Elanna twitched, giving a small growl, and tried not to laugh at the fact that her husband used that stupid old nickname.  
"What is it, Turkey Platter?" She said turning around, smiling.  
"We've got the day off! Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room!" He said. "We're getting all the senior officers together before somebody else gets there and eats it all."  
"What're Tostitos?" B'Elanna asked.  
"Beats us, but we don't really care," Harry said. Tuvok rolled his eyes.  
"Well, whatever. As long as we have the day off..." she grinned and followed the three out of Engineering.  
  
"Seven! Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room!" B'Elanna called to the former Borg, working silently in Astrometrics. She turned around looking puzzled.  
"Whatever Tostitos are, I am sure they are irrelevant. However, for the sake of the story, and the fact that I, once again, was spending my free time here, doing some technobabble things that currently do not require my full attention... I will accompany you." With that, 5 of the senior officers now left together, off to find Neelix.  
Once they arrived in the Mess Hall, they ignored any other crewmembers and made a beeline for Neelix's little alcove behind the serving counters. He heard their approach and turned around, cheerfully smiling.  
"Oh, hello everyone! What can I get for you?"  
"Day off. Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room," Tom, who had somehow become the leader of their little group, said happily.  
"Ooh, Tostitos? Is that a new food? Am I going to get to try it?" Neelix asked eagerly.  
"Yep, but we'd better hurry before anyone else gets there and eats it themselves," B'Elanna said.  
"Oh, boy! Maybe I can add it to my Leola Root Stew!" Neelix said, walking excitedly ahead of the group. Everyone cringed, even Tuvok and Seven, and they all followed him reluctantly.  
"Should we get The Doctor?" Harry asked as they walked towards a turbolift.  
"Well, considering he can't eat..." B'Elanna said.  
"Wouldn't it be rude NOT to invite him along?" Tom said, as they entered the turbolift.  
"I guess so..." Harry shrugged, and they headed towards Sickbay.  
  
"Hey, Doc! Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room!" Tom yelled as they entered Sickbay. "We gotta hurry!"  
"What in the world are-" Suddenly he vanished, as B'Elanna had already stored The Doctor in his mobile emitter, picked it up, and rejoined the group. Everyone was beginning to get quite excited about these Tostitos and coffee...  
"This only leaves Commander Chakotay, right?" Neelix said, grinning eagerly.  
"Right, let's go!" Tom said, and the group entered yet another turbolift.  
  
"Hey, Chakotay!" Tom was getting very used to yelling this. They stood outside Chakotay's quarters as the doors swished open.  
"I know," Chakotay said immediately. "Tostitos and coffee in the meeting room."  
Everyone stared at him, dumbfounded. He grinned. "My spirit guide and I have been keeping up with the story. I'm the last one, right?"  
"Uh... yeah. Let's go," Tom said, laughing nervously.  
"And where there's coffee, there's Kathryn!" Chakotay said eagerly under his breath. Seven, however, frowned and smacked him on the head. "Ow! ...sorry."  
"Which reminds me," B'Elanna said, "aren't we forgetting someone?"  
Everyone thought for a minute in silence.  
"You mean the someone that'll down all that coffee within 5 seconds?" Tom said.  
The group murmured in agreement and kept walking.  
  
Finally, the moment they'd all been waiting for was here! They had reached the meeting room, where these creations called "Tostitos" awaited them, along with some coffee. They entered the familiar room, a giddy feeling lingering in the air. There on the long table were pots of steaming coffee, and bowls full of different kinds of dip, which, they determined, was used in almost every 21st century party. Lying next to these bowls were bags of odd, stiff-looking corn foods... labeled "Tostitos". B'Elanna had activated The Doctor, who was fiercely examining these ancient foods for any signs of contamination. Finally he folded up his tricorder and turned to the eager group.  
"Well... they appear to be safe to eat... and it IS food. Although why anyone would want to eat this-" However, The Doctor was stopped by the flood of hands grabbing for the chips, and dipping them into the bowls, no longer interested in anything he had to say. "...stuff is beyond me," he finished, rolled his eyes, and stepped back.  
"Hey, this stuff is REALLY good!" B'Elanna said between mouthfuls of chip and dip. Everyone nodded in agreement, their mouths full. They continued stuffing their faces, talking, laughing, and having a great time.  
  
The meeting room doors swished open after a few minutes. Everyone looked up, a little startled to see none other than Captain Janeway, who was smiling and holding a large stack of PADDs.  
"Hello, everyone!" She said as she walked to the table, dropping the PADDs on it with a large "thump". "Welcome to today's productivity meeting!" She planted her hands on her hips, looking around at her senior officers, still smiling. "I'm sure the next few hours will be VERY enlightening."  
Everyone stood frozen and stunned. They'd been had! They'd fallen so easily into the captain's cunning trap... and now they were forced to work! Work! So much for a day off.  
"Um..." Tom said, backing towards the door. Everyone followed his example slowly and cautiously. "That's uh... that's okay, Captain. We've... we've been VERY productive lately, as we'll show you right now by going straight to our-" he stopped dead in his tracks, realizing his mistake. He'd provoked the tiger, and she was going to attack unless they didn't bend to her will.  
"...I beg your pardon?" Janeway growled through clenched teeth, a death glare shooting towards the poor senior staff. They all quivered in fear, and once again Seven and Tuvok were no exception. Some of them could swear that flames were shooting out from behind her. She folded her arms, still glaring. "The next few hours are going to be VERY ENLIGHTENING... THAT'S AN ORDER..."  
The group gulped in unison, and hurried to their seats, muttering forced, scared agreements.  
"You know... yeah... I, uh... yeah. Productivity is nice. Very nice," Tom said, laughing nervously.  
Janeway smirked triumphantly and tossed a chip into her mouth. 


	4. It Can Never Be

_(**A/N:** Well, after browsing through the angsty J/C fics around here, I began  
to feel quite sad and angsty myself. I'm an anti-J/Cer, but let me tell  
you, it was hard not to submit to the J/Cing will with some of these.  
Anyway, while reading I found a lot of "Chatokay writes to Janeway" fics,  
and couldn't resist the urge to give one a shot. So, I was up 'till one in  
the morning... not being able to stop writing. This is my (hopefully  
successful) attempt at something more dramatic, and I'd really, REALLY  
appreciate reviews for this one. So here we go... I called it "It Can Never  
Be". I hope you enjoy it!)_

I'll always remember that day, that planet, sitting there with you,  
Something sparked between us, and I think you knew it, too.  
I thought it was the beginning of something beautiful and grand,  
Instead, you pushed me away, hiding behind protocols and command.  
I tried so hard to reach you, your true self I longed to see,  
But that cold ice kept building, you wouldn't show yourself to me.  
I wished to break those awful chains and set our two hearts free,  
However, I just heard you whisper, "It can never be".

I saw all your burdens; I hoped to make them lighter,  
But as I learned the hard way, you can be such a fighter.  
I wanted to wipe away your slow snowfall of tears,  
I wanted to drown with you in your sea of hidden fears.  
Love was how I wanted to care for you,  
But you wouldn't let it happen, away from me you flew.  
People were enveloped in your auburn wings each day,  
I only longed for your warm compassion in a different way.  
Every time I thought you were close to kissing me,  
You shook your head and softly whispered, "It can never be".

We've both been through the impossible together,  
Now that we're home, I want to stay with you forever.  
For seven years, you were the light of my life,  
I'd always hoped that one day you'd be my wife.  
You've long since moved on, I thought I was the same.  
Unfortunately as I've discovered, love is a difficult game.  
However, now it's far too late,  
We've turned the key and sealed this fate.  
I'll always be your dearest friend,  
That's something that will never end.  
But I'll never know why you denied it,  
We had something, couldn't we have tried it?  
I know today you see my pain,  
As I sink in my silent rain.  
Nothing's changed; you still look at me,  
And sadly whisper those four words: "It can never be".


	5. The Voyager Project

_(**A/N:** How many of you anime fans know about the site called "The Chibi Project"? The site where a team of "scientists" perform amusing, but slightly [actually read "really"] destructive experiments on a small, defenseless figure of Sailor Chibi Moon? Well, I don't know about you, but I love that site. And so today, I pay tribute to it, script fics, Senshi Battle Zone, Weebl & Bob, and the genius site known as "Five Minute Voyager" with a short script-ficted story I like to call... "The Voyager Project". And if you can't find all the inside jokes, too bad. :P)  
_  
::A Kazon man stands in a large field. Seska stands beside him, and a group of Kazons in white lab coats are behind them. Behind the lab coat Kazons is Voyager... and behind Voyager is a bunch of trees. Cedar trees, to be exact.::  
  
**Narrator Kazon:** The place? A planet. The time? Right now. The people? You, the reader, a bunch of Kazons, and everyone's favorite traitorous bitch, Seska.  
  
**Seska:** I resent that.

**Narrator Kazon:** Yeah, you would.

**Seska:** Shut up and go play with the cedar trees over there.

**Narrator Kazon:** Oh... cedar. ::drools and runs off::

**Seska:** ...whatever. ::rolls eyes and picks up a microphone:: Hello all you readers, my name's Seska, as you know, and if you don't, then where the hell have you been? I'm your host on this... the first episode of "The Voyager Project". And hopefully we'll do such a number on Voyager that it'll be the last... ::cackles evilly:: Now, what is the purpose of "The Voyager Project", you may ask? Well, it's simple, really. ::grins super- evilly:: It's to destroy Voyager, decimating it little by little with cruel experiments ALL IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!!!  
  
::Seska laughs manically and gives the team of... "scientist" Kazons behind her a headache::  
  
**Seska:** Now, as I said, today we'll be performing a number of wonderful experiments on this crap-ass ship. Let's go to our team of... EXPERT scientists and see what they've got for us today.  
  
**Scientist 1:** ::picks nose:: Uh... ::stops quickly::  
  
**Seska:** ...right. So, Mr. Scientist, what experiments are we performing today? ::holds mic up to him::  
  
**Scientist 1:** Erm... well... we're going to be doing the Electric Saw Test first.  
  
**Seska:** ::eyes gleam:: Well, that sounds LOVELY! ::turns to camera:: Now remember kids, we're TRAINED PROFSSIONALS. Don't try any of these experiments at home!  
  
**Scientist 1:** You know, I have a name... and it's not Scientist 1.  
  
**Seska:** QUIET, YOU!  
  
::Scientist 1 looks down at the ground sadly::  
  
**Seska:** So. Tell me the conditions of the Electric Saw Test, Scientist 2.  
  
**Scientist 2:** Well, we'll be taking the huge electric saw you see over there... ::points back to Voyager, where Kazons are lifting a huge electric saw with a crane. The blade is pointing at the folding point of the right nacelle.:: and we're going to make an incision right at the folding point of the right nacelle... just like it said in my action bubble...  
  
**Seska:** That was the worst joke I've ever heard.  
  
**Scientist 2:** Just you wait. It'll probably get worse. Anyway, we'll see how Voyager, with its shields down of course, stands up to the force of a gigantic electric saw.  
  
**Seska:** Thank you, Scientist 2. ::turns to camera:: Now, let's all pull up chairs, and sit back to watch the destruction. ::sticks on sunglasses and pulls up a chair::  
  
**Scientist 2:** I told you the jokes would get worse.  
  
**Seska:** QUIET, YOU! That wasn't even a joke!

**Scientist 2:** Now it is.

**Seska:** ARGH! ::smacks forehead::

::The saw is finally finished being positioned. Three Kazon struggle to pull its large starter cord. The saw sputters a bit before turning on.::  
  
**Seska:** ...Ow. That's really loud. ::grabs humungous cork earplugs:: Ah... much better.  
  
::Scraping and buzzing echo throughout the field as the saw's spinning blade is lowered slowly onto the nacelle. Sparks begin to fly as the blade begins cutting into it.::  
  
**Voyager:** Owie! That hurts, you bastards! I want my mommy!  
  
**Seska:** Hohoho! Not even Janeway can help you now!  
  
::The nacelle begins to crack off. It swings wildly and knocks down some lab coated Kazons. Then with a huge boom, the nacelle crashes to the ground, squishing Kazons as it does so. Voyager sniffs and gives a small cry of pain.::  
  
**Seska:** ::turns to Scientist 3:: Okay, you. What's the damage assessment?  
  
**Scientist 3:** ::adjusts nerdy swirly glasses:: Well, it seems Voyager is highly vulnerable to electric saws... ::sniffs and wipes nose with arm::  
  
**Seska:** Eew... um... okay. What's our next test? ::turns to Scientist 4:: And bring me a drink in a coconut, would you?  
  
::Scientist 4 nods and runs off to fetch Seska's drink.::  
  
**Seska:** Make sure it has a little umbrella in it, too! And a bendy straw! Now, Scientist 3, what were you saying?  
  
**Scientist 3:** I was saying that our next tests are the Juice and Fire Tests. In the Fire Test, we plan to throw torches in the windows of Voyager until it cries "uncle". Once it's a flaming bonfire, we'll put it out with juice, thereby making it all sticky.  
  
**Seska:** Awesome. ::Scientist 4 hands her a coconut with a straw and umbrella sticking out of it. She takes a sip.::  
  
**Scientist 3:** Yes, I thought so, too. ::rubs hands together and cackles::  
  
**Seska:** Hey. I'm only allowed to be evil around here, got it? Now shut up or I might switch sides.  
  
**Scientist 3:** ::stops:: Yes, ma'am.  
  
**Seska:** And it seems the setup is almost finished. I see torches being lit and... is that... is that a giant wedge of cheese?  
  
**Scientist 3:** Yes ma'am. You requested something especially nasty for us to throw in Janeway's quarters. I think flaming cheese would suffice, no?  
  
**Seska:** Hot damn, you bet it would suffice. Get some Jell-o for her ready room, too, would you? And make sure to bring me her lucky teacup... I want to smash it myself... ::evil grin #1000::  
  
**Scientist 3:** Of course, ma'am. ::adjusts glasses and whispers to Scientist 5, who runs off for Jell-o and Janeway's lucky teacup.::  
  
**Seska:** Okay, no more numbered scientists. This is getting confusing. Scientist 3, since you've had a bunch of lines, you are hereby known as Bob.  
  
**Scientist 1:** Hey! I want a n-  
  
**Seska:** QUIET, YOU!  
  
**Bob:** ::snickers::  
  
**Seska:** Okay, are we ready? Make sure everyone's got their flame retardant weasels handy! I don't want to lose any more of you... especially not for the Impact Test.  
  
**Bob:** Flame retardant weasels, check.  
  
**Weasel:** Squeak?  
  
**Seska:** ::adjusts sunglasses and leans back in chair, taking a sip of juice:: LET 'ER RIP!  
  
::Thousands of flaming torches are catapulted into Voyager. Windows shatter, things burn and flames pop out of the broken windows. Voyager begins to look a little charred and crispy. Meanwhile, hundreds of tons of flaming cheese and Jell-o are thrown into Janeway's ready room and quarters.::  
  
**Scientist 5:** ::pants:: I have... the teacup... Seska... ma'am...  
  
**Seska:** ::stops petting her weasel:: Oh, goody! Gimme! ::snatches teacup:: Merry Christmas to me! I'll save you for later, little teacup. ::laughs and strokes it::  
  
::Sections of Voyager explode from the flames. Kazons with hoses run up to the ship and aim::  
  
**Seska:** Not so fast! I'm enjoying this!  
  
::Another part of the ship explodes and cheese flies out::  
  
**Seska:** ...Okay... JUICE! NOW!  
  
::The Kazons aim their hoses again, and cranberry juice flies out, extinguishing some of the flames. In a matter of minutes, the ship is smoking and dripping with cranberry juice. Seska throws her head back and laughs manically.::  
  
**Seska:** VICTORY IS MINE!  
  
**Bob:** Ours!  
  
**Seska:** No, Bob.  
  
**Bob:** ...Wanker.  
  
**Seska:** Next test, Bob.  
  
**Bob:** ::adjusts glasses:: Obviously, Voyager cannot withstand the impact of flaming cheese and Jell-o. However, it can stand up to thousands of pounds of juicy force.  
  
**Seska:** And I can squish Janeway's lucky teacup... I am a happy woman. Next test, Bob! NOW!  
  
**Bob:** Yes, ma'am. ::wipes nose with sleeve again:: This test will examine how Voyager, now crippled by fire... can stand up to her own torpedoes.  
  
**Seska:** Ooooooh... I like the sound of that very much. ::sips juice:: Are we ready for that one?  
  
**Bob:** Yes, ma'am, we are. We've set up cannons with which we'll fire 6 torpedoes at Voyager.  
  
**Seska:** Six!? Just six!? Oh, come on. We need more than that. At least launch a hot dog stand, too.  
  
**Bob:** ...Yes ma'am. ::whispers to Scientist 2 ,who runs off and then loads a hot dog stand onto a catapult, giving a thumbs up sign::  
  
**Seska:** Oh, boy oh boy oh boy, I can't WAIT. ::giggles:: Start firing NOW! The suspense is killing me!  
  
**Bob:** Yes ma'am.  
  
**Seska:** Just how many more times are you going to say that?  
  
**Bob:** As many more times as you desire... ma'am.  
  
**Seska:** ::sweatdrop:: No WONDER Janeway hates that.  
  
::The Kazons, who're stationed around Voyager with their cannons, fire simultaneously, causing the ship the explode numerous times in firey showers of fire. Fireworks begin popping around Voyager, and it explodes one final time... leaving a scorched, barely recognizable pile of Voyager behind.::  
  
**Seska:** ::stands up waving a flag:: I WIN! WHOO-HOO!  
  
**Bob:** Yes ma'am.  
  
::Meanwhile on a hill above the field... a pile of Kazon are lying on the floor unconscious... and Voyager's senior staff is standing near them.::  
  
**B'Elanna:** Good riddance. But that was fun, huh?  
  
**Harry:** We should do that more often.  
  
**Tom:** We SHOULD'VE done it in season 1.  
  
**Janeway:** Quiet, you.  
  
**Tom:** Yes, Lizard Mom.

**Janeway:** Shut UP!   
  
**Tuvok:** I suggest we see what caused that explosion. After all, we are explorers at heart.  
  
**Janeway:** So... after we just escaped from the Kazon, you think we should go throw our asses into the fire again?  
  
**Tuvok:** Precisely.  
  
**Janeway:** Sounds great. Let's go.  
  
::They walk to the edge of the top of the hill... and see the smoking mess.::  
  
**Chakotay:** ::takes out a tricorder:: What the heck is that?  
  
**Neelix:** It smells like... burnt leola root stew.  
  
**Tom:** EVERYTHING smells like leola root stew to you.  
  
**Harry:** Why does that thing over there look familiar?  
  
**Seven:** To what are you referring? The burning mass or the Kazons pillaging it? Or possibly Seska who is laughing manically and drinking something?  
  
**Harry:** ...uh...  
  
**Janeway:** ...And why does that burning mass look really familiar...?  
  
::Silence::  
  
**Janeway:** ::gasp:: THAT'S MY SHIP!  
  
**Chakotay:** ::scans with tricorder:: Dear Lord, it is.  
  
**Janeway:** Betsy. NOW.  
  
**B'Elanna:** Yikes. ::hands Janeway Betsy::  
  
**Tom:** Oh, man. Those Kazon are so dead.  
  
**Tuvok:** Indeed.  
  
::Seska continues cackling::  
  
**Seska:** I PWN! I TOTALLY PWN! BWAHAHA!  
  
**Janeway:** SESKA!  
  
**Seska:** Oh... it's you. As you can see... ::grins evilly:: All your base are belong to ME.  
  
**Janeway:** ::glares::  
  
**Seska:** ::twitches and gulps:: ...You see this? ::picks up teacup:: You make one false move, and I stomp it into thousands of pieces.  
  
**Janeway:** You wouldn't DARE...  
  
**Seska:** Watch me. ::drops teacup and crunches it under heel::  
  
**Janeway:** ::mouth drops:: ...My lucky teacup... And my ship...  
  
**Tom:** Uh-oh...  
  
::rest of senior staff backs away::  
  
**Seska:** Hehehe... what're you gonna do about it? Chase me around for 2 seasons?  
  
**Janeway:** ...::twitches angrily:: No... I'm... gonna... punch my way... THROUGH YOU... ::Level 10 Death Glare:: YOU... BITCH! ::lunges::  
  
**Seska:** Gah! ::is fired upon:: OW! MY SKIN! IT BURNS THE FLESH!  
  
::dust cloud forms::  
  
**Janeway:** YOU BET IT DOES! TAKE THIS! ::fires:: AND THIS! ::fires:: AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS! ::fires, fires, fires::  
  
**Seska:** ::screams:: CHAKOTAY! HELP ME! I LOVE YOU!

**Chakotay:** You know, this reminds me of an ancient legend...  
  
::Everyone groans as Janeway continues to kick Seska's ass::  
  
::Later... as the sun begins to set... Kazons lie everywhere with phaser burns and they're a little crispy... just like the steaming pile of Voyager. Seska lies on the ground, twitching with her hair smoking. Janeway stands in the center of them all breathing heavily and holding her phaser rifle. The senior officers are all sitting on the Kazons' lawn chairs eating popcorn. They stand up and start applauding.::  
  
**Tom:** That was beautiful, Captain! Absolutely magnificent!  
  
**Harry:** You RULE, Mom!  
  
**Janeway:** ::smirks and bows:: Thank you, thank you.  
  
**Chakotay:** Can I give you a kiss!?  
  
**Janeway:** ::backs away::  
  
**Seven:** But we have no ship now.  
  
**Janeway:** We can just build a new one like we do our shuttles.  
  
**Seven:** But all our materials for building shuttles, let alone another ship is gone.  
  
**Janeway:** You don't want me to say "Quiet, you," do you? Besides, Paramount wouldn't just let us DIE here. Optimism, people! Optimism!  
  
::Several hours later::  
  
**Janeway:** Um... ::coughs::  
  
**B'Elanna:** ...perhaps today is a good day to die.  
  
**Tom:** ::smacks forehead::  
  
**Harry:** Well, there's plenty of cheese to eat.  
  
**Janeway:** ::glares::  
  
**Harry:** Eep... uh... sorry.  
  
**Janeway:** ::SIGH::  
  
**Neelix:** What if we took the cheese... to sickbay?  
  
**Janeway:** ::aims phaser rifle::  
  
**Neelix:** Crap! No, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!  
  
::And crickets chirp as night falls.::  
  
**Chakotay:** Hey, wait a minute. Where's the Doctor? He hasn't been in the entire story!  
  
**Everyone:** ::looks at Voyager rubble:: Oh, crap.  
  
**The End...?**  
  
_(Alright, this one was just weird but... do you WANT me to continue it? I mean, there's room for more... I need reviews, please! ::smiles innocently:: Although I think I might continue whether you like it or not. :P)_


	6. Powder Snow

_(**A/N:** Ah, the joy of angst. It was about midnight one night, and I was listening to Ayumi Hamasaki's "Powder Snow". I decided to read the translation and... well... let's just say the wheels started turning. Actually, it's more like spinning wildly out of control. This is the result of feeling angsty at midnight. It's also my first song fic, too. So reviews would be so loved you have no idea. And of course, you're probably wondering what the title is. Well, big surprise, it's Powder Snow. Also, there's one line in the song I omitted because it makes no sense for the story. Now... read!) _

Captain Janeway walked down one of Voyager's many corridors, smiling slightly and reveling in her cheerful mood. She'd just come from her quarters, where she enjoyed her first satisfying cup of coffee of the day. Something about the first cup always picked her up out of whatever depression she might be in, and granted her mental strength to take on whatever new Delta Quadrant menace that might decide the ship was perfect to be food or a weapon of mass destruction.

She sighed contentedly and was just about to round the corner to a turbolift when she heard two people laughing. Stopping abruptly, her eyes widened slightly. Was that B'Elanna and Tom? No, it couldn't be them, or else she wouldn't feel so horrible all of a sudden. Her spirit felt like it was being slowly crushed, and she had no idea why.

Janeway heard a male voice this time, then a female, and then more laughter. Now her curiosity, coupled with the strange feeling of dread welling up inside her urged her to take a peek at this happy couple. Slowly and silently, she yielded to her scientific side and peered around the corner.

What she saw left her shocked and speechless.

"Is this correct?" Seven of Nine asked as she snaked her arms around Commander Chakotay's neck. He laughed and pulled her into his embrace.

"There's no 'correct' way to kiss, Seven. It just... happens."

Seven was silent for a moment; she seemed to be thinking. Then she looked up at Chakotay very seriously and said,

"Can it happen now?" He smiled, and replied,

"Yes, it can." They leaned in until their lips met, leaving them lost in a joyous world where no one could find them.

Unfortunately, someone had, and her heart was shattering into thousands of pieces.

Janeway retreated back around the corner in a stunned silence.

_ I've lost him..._ she thought. _I waited too long and I lost him._

She felt her heart sink farther and farther until she was fighting back tears. She heard their laughter again and immediately started walking away, lost in a daze. Her world was ripping apart at the seams and falling out from under her, and she knew it was all her fault.

Coffee wouldn't even come close to being able to fix this.

_ I want to be left alone._

_ I want to escape to a place where no one knows me. _

_ That I'm wrong about that, that it's all my fault,_

_ is all my heart has. I don't need tomorrow._

She didn't know how long she'd been walking, but somehow she ended up at the holodeck, and noticed that no one was inside. Without even thinking, she keyed in a program, watched the doors open, and walked inside.

She was in a green field surrounded by trees, and the sun shone brightly in the blue sky. She smiled a little, remembering the spot where they'd erected their "house", where they'd planted tomatoes, and... the monkey. But as she recalled their talk about parameters, the smile immediately left her face.

She felt like she was dying inside. Her heart had been ripped out and stepped on... but that wasn't anything new, was it?

She looked around at her peaceful New Earth program and glared. It needed to suffer with her.

"Computer, change season to winter." The sky instantly turned dull and gray, the ground began to whiten with snow, and the trees died, their leaves replaced with white, powdery capes. "This is more like it," she said, looking up to watch the snow peacefully falling around her. She sighed and walked over to a solitary tree, away from the others and stood under it.

She couldn't stop a tear that rolled down her cheek.

_ Can I cry as much as I want to? Until my tears wither away._

_ The white snow flows and muffles my tears._

_ Please help me. _

Janeway quickly wiped the tear away and cursed herself for crying over something like this. This was nothing to cry about... right?

She was going to save this program until they got back to Earth. She would ask him if he still felt the way he did all those years ago. She was almost certain he's smile and say yes, and she would say yes, too...

But not anymore.

_ I've always been living in the present,_

_ so that I don't leave even a single trace or footprint._

_ The candle melts down, this light is extinguished. _

Her heart heavy with regret, she leaned against the tree and slid down to the ground. She wanted to cry, scream, kill something, but instead she picked up some of the white powder and stared at it.

"Why did I wait so long? How could I not see that I might lose him?" she said softly. The snow was slowly making her hand cold and numb, despite the fact that it wasn't even real, so she stood up, brushed it off, and looked up at the tree.

_ Can I scream at the top of my lungs? Until my voice withers away._

_ The white snow will forgive me for everything._

_ Please._

"How could I not see this!?" she said, slowly growing angrier at Chakotay, Seven, and most of all, herself. "How could I have been so stupid?" she asked herself, staring up at the sky again, watching the snowflakes spiraling downward.

_ I spread my arms wide. I just want to gather the shining snow._

_ But why? It's so fleeting._

Janeway knelt down and scooped up more snow. She sculpted it into a ball and threw it at the tree, watching it break apart and spatter over the bark like blood.

It felt good.

_ Can I cry as much as I want to? Until my tears wither away._

_ The white snow flows and muffles my tears._

She threw another snowball at the tree, then another.

"Dammit, Chakotay. You couldn't have waited a few more years, could you? You had NO idea what I was planning for you." Another snowball hit the tree. She knelt down again, made another snowball, rose up, and threw it, unleashing all of her rage and sadness into the snowballs.

"I can't even blame this on him, can I?" she said, kneeling down again. "Me and my damned parameters. Me and my damned protocols." Three snowballs smacked against the tree in succession. "Dammit, Kathryn, why did you do this to yourself!? Why didn't you just tell him you loved him!?" YOU'RE 30,000 LIGHT YEARS AWAY FROM PROTOCOL, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

She slammed her fists against the tree and gave into the tears that desperately wanted to show themselves.

_ Can I scream at the top of my lungs? Until my voice withers away._

_ The white snow will forgive me for everything._

Her legs felt weak, so she slid down to meet the snow again, continuing to let all her tears flow while she hit the tree.

_ Can I cry as much as I want to? Until my tears wither away._

_ Can I shout loudly? Until my voice withers away._

"WHY!?" she yelled to herself, listening to the lonely echo it produced.

She cried for a few minutes, and very, very slowly, her tears died away. She sat against the tree, staring blankly ahead and thinking of what could've been, how happy they could've felt together, how perfect their lives could've been, if only she'd just said something.

_ Bridge duty, _she finally thought. _I have bridge duty soon. _As much as she didn't want to see either Chakotay or Seven, she knew she had to go. She had a ship to run and people who depended on her, and she wouldn't let herself be slowed down by this. They'd all contended with missed opportunities before. Only this one was all her own.

Standing up one final time, she brushed snow off her hair and uniform, wiping any traces of tears from her face. She was the captain. She shouldn't be romantically involved with anyone under her in the first place. She allowed herself one final pang of regret, knowing they were so far from home and rules, and that she could've had him if she damn well wanted. She was surprised at how much it all hurt.

Janeway turned to the tree once more, her captain's mask back in place, and wiped some of the snow off the trunk. Pausing, she said quietly,

"Computer, end program." Her cold, white New Earth shimmered away to reveal the blank, gray hologrid. Then she turned and walked away, hardening her heart with every step.

_ Can I cry as much as I want to?_

She exited the holodeck... only to run straight into him. Of all places he could walk by, he just had to walk by the holodeck. Flinging curses wildly in her mind, she stared at him, using all of her willpower to keep her face free of any expression.

"Good morning, Captain," Chakotay said, smiling at her.

_ Captain,_ she repeated in her mind, loathing that word like she never had before.

_ Can I scream at the top of my lungs?_

"Good morning, Commander," she said before brushing coldly past him. "I'll see you on the bridge."

"Kathryn," he said, making her slow to a stop. Why did her heart have to melt every time he called her that? "Is everything alright?"

_ How dare he ask such a question. Of course not._

She slowly turned around and forced a smile.

"Of course everything's alright. Why wouldn't it be? I've had my morning coffee, no one's attacked us yet..." she replied, her voice trailing off as she continued on her way toward the nearest turbolift.

Chakotay watched her leave, remembering clearly what he knew he saw in her eyes for one second.

Betrayal. But it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared...

Janeway walked towards another corner which would lead her to another turbolift.

She had successfully built a wall of shields around her heart and wouldn't allow him to penetrate them anymore.

_ Until the snow stops._

The captain turned the corner without a second look back.


End file.
